Friday, September 12, 2014

Dad's Response To Mail

My dad still gets mail a couple of times a week.  He gets credit card offers, opportunities to buy car insurance and requests for donations.  Every time I toss one of these requests I hear him on the phone, calling the 800 numbers and saying.  "I died October 16, 2013.  I don't have a car anymore.  I don't need a new credit card and I can't afford to give you any money since I no longer get a pension or social security.  Please remove me from your list."

Monday, September 1, 2014

Missing Dad

This week has been the first time my sister has returned to New York since our dad died.  I've been trying to do things with her she never got to do in all the times she came in to visit him.

I know she is having a good time, but there still is that void.  She misses his demands, his phone calls and his constant worrying.  I do too, but I guess because I am here it has gotten a little easier.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

90th Birthday

My dad would have been 90 today.  I would have gotten up early, picked him up and we would have gone to IHOP, one of his favorite places to eat.  Then, we would have gone to the Casino in Yonkers and I would have watched as he happily put his pennies into the slot machine, talking and rubbing it to get a win and walking around looking for the lucky machine.  We probably would have then gone to the butcher where he got his meatballs and told everyone he met it was his birthday. The pretty cashier would have given him a container of soup or a kugel as a gift.  She loved him because he reminded her of her grandfather.  I chuckled because he thought she was hot for him.  I imagine she and the others who work there must know he is gone since he hasn't been around in so long.
 Dad celebrating birthday in IHOP 2011.  Boy was he surprised and happy when everyone sang to him.

Dad today

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Reminder of Dad

I watched a physical therapist help an elderly man walk today.  She held the back of his pants and gave him instructions to guide him with his walker.  An aide walked close behind with his wheel chair so he would be able to sit any time he needed to.

My eyes filled with tears.  We did the same thing with my dad.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Jury Duty

My dad loved jury duty.  He loved being on cases, being the foreman, being the one in charge.

I did not inherit his love of jury duty.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Mom In The Kitchen

When we emptied my dad's apartment I brought home certain consumable items both he and my mom had purchased.   I felt like my mom was standing next to me every time I used her cooking spray.

The can is empty and in the trash.

Friday, May 30, 2014

The Apartment

It's been sold.  New people moved in 5/20.

I am going to write them and wish them luck and happiness.

Thursday, May 8, 2014


Seven Mother's Days without my mom.  This is the first one without my dad.

I'm old, but I am still an orphan.

Thursday, May 1, 2014


I wash my hair with shampoo that my mom once used.  It is not a brand I like, but it was hers.

The bottle is almost empty.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

My Blanket

There is comfort in wrapping myself in a blanket from my parents house.  My mom's love is helping my cold go away.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

My Cold

I would not have told my dad that I have a cold.  He would have told me to drink tea and to gargle.  He also would have insisted I skip work tonight.

I miss withholding things like this from him

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Still Want To Call

It's been six months since my dad died.  Still, whenever I go to the theater, or go to dinner with my husband or friends I forget and go to call him at 7, or a little before.

He liked the good night call.  His nights started nice and early.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

The Apartment

December 16, 2013 marked the day we finished emptying my dad's apartment and turned in the keys.

I have been trying to avoid the area but was forced to drive by when we visited friends in Scarsdale.

It is almost 5 months since he is gone and I still miss him.

Monday, February 17, 2014

The Cold

I think of this freezing cold weather and my dad lying outside for eternity.

I hope there is no cold in death.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Invaluable Items

A plastic mixing bowl, an old ratty sweatshirt and a pair of snow boots are just some of the items saved from my parents and my in-laws.  Monetarily they are worth nothing.  In my heart, everything. Food mixed in the bowl tastes better.  I am warmer in my dad's old rag and my feet stay dryer in these boots.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Another Death

My sister-in-law passed away this morning.  We are with my niece helping her decide what to do.

I can't bring myself to make phone calls.  Probably going to do a cremation and a memorial service.

It is hard.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Taking Care Of Business

Ordered dad's foot stone today.  Still have to mail paper work for veteran's medallion.

One more thing taken care of.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Missing The Crazy Calls

Bad weather in Texas always meant a phone call from my dad warning that we would be having that weather in a day or two.  I so miss those calls, the ones that drove me crazy.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Be Careful

I went to the theater with a friend tonight. Her mom called, telling her to walk carefully so she would not fall. I miss hearing these words from my dad. 

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Slot Machines

I don't like slot machines but played $1 in Aruba in honor of my dad.  On that $1 I got $15.77 back.  I took my winnings and put another dollar in the machine.  I lost.  Dad would be proud.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Another Funeral

I had to drive a friend to a funeral home to make arrangements for her step mom.  I was happy to wait in the car while she took care of business, even though I was in car for an hour.

I will have to cope with funeral on Wednesday but once is better than twice.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Missing Him

My mom has been gone six years but dad still signed every birthday card "love, mommy and daddy".

This will be my first birthday without one of those cards I love so much.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014


My dad was always cold.  It hurts to think of him lying out there in this frigid weather.

Friday, January 3, 2014

One Less Worry

No worries today about how to visit dad.  Parking around his apartment would be impossible because of the snow.